Thursday, August 26, 2010

Scary Republican Superpower

During the town hall debate yesterday I discovered more evidence that the Republican Party has developed an absolutely uncanny ability. To learn more about it and its awesome implications jump through the fold if you dare.

Last night John McCain touted his knowledge of nuclear energy and its safety by stating

Look, I -- I was on Navy ships that had nuclear power plants. Nuclear power is safe, and it's clean, and it creates hundreds of thousands of jobs

That really struck me as more evidence of a new superpower worthy of a guest shot on Heroes. Osmotic learning! A strange and wondrous Republican ability first exhibited by Sarah Palin. It is the ability to learn about an issue or entire branch of science or industry merely by proximity. In McCain’s example above he states he was on Navy ships that had nuclear power plants. A look into McCain’s Wiki service record states that he did the majority of his sea duty aboard the USS Forrestal and the USS Oriskany neither of these carriers were nuclear powered. I haven’t been able to find any evidence of McCain having served on a nuclear powered ship, but for the sake of argument he stepped on one. From that experience and that experience alone McCain is able to make such an authoritative statement on nuclear powers cleanliness and safety.

Ladies and gentlemen this is incredible and the possibilities of such powers are endless if we can just get them to teach us their ways. Imagine how much money we will be able to save in medical training when we can just put the students in a hospital and let the knowledge just sink in. For those law students struggling to understand 18th century maritime law a quick trip to the law library and boom no more of those nasty bar cram courses. If you’re having problems learning that pesky foreign language hey just travel to the country. With your new Republican powers you can just step off the plane and you’re able to ask where the bathroom is without any of that pesky study and verb conjugation.

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